New Zealand markets close in 1 hour 38 minutes
  • NZX 50

    -12.69 (-0.11%)

    -0.0026 (-0.42%)

    -0.0018 (-0.32%)

    +0.80 (+0.01%)
  • ASX 200

    -0.20 (-0.00%)
  • OIL

    -0.32 (-0.42%)
  • GOLD

    -8.40 (-0.41%)

    -67.09 (-0.37%)
  • FTSE

    +21.79 (+0.28%)
  • Dow Jones

    +62.43 (+0.16%)
  • DAX

    +48.93 (+0.28%)
  • Hang Seng

    -113.59 (-0.68%)
  • NIKKEI 225

    +209.37 (+0.54%)

    -0.4310 (-0.46%)

20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Nov. 21-27)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

Somehow married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life. Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Good luck to all the good husbands trying to help decorate the house this weekend just to realize you’re a fucking idiot and why would you put the candles there you goddamn asshole.

— Andrew (@BuffaloWoody) November 24, 2023 ">

My favorite thing is climbing into bed after a long day to find that my husband has stolen the very pillow he assured me he did not want when I offered to buy it for him

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 21, 2023 ">

Once you’ve been married long enough, any larger-than-normal purchase made within two months of Christmas counts as your present to each other. Like, this year, I "got" my wife braces for our 12-year-old.

— The Dad (@thedad) November 21, 2023 ">

Thought my husband's new soap was a block of cheese, and now I'm disappointed and he wants to know why it's slightly chilled

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 21, 2023 ">

The day before hosting Thanksgiving and apparently the top priority on my husband’s to-do list is refilling the bean bag beans.

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) November 22, 2023 ">

every husband who walks in on his wife changing clothes and half-naked:

"that's a good look, why don't you just wear that today?"

— emily (@emilykmay) November 21, 2023 ">

Just pronounced “pecan” the correct way and my wife’s entire family wants to fight me.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 23, 2023 ">

My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving

Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these bar stools?

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 27, 2023 ">

Are you a mature person, or did you sneak into the bathroom and steal your spouse’s towel, then turn off the lights and run out the door?

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 22, 2023 ">

I’ve reached the next phase of evolution in my queer elderhood: complaining to my wife that you used to be able to get a quarter chicken plate with pita and pasta salad from the place on the corner for $7.99.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) November 24, 2023 ">

My father in law left the room so my husband just hurried and changed the channel away from football and to a romcom. Things are tense. This story is still unfolding.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 24, 2023 ">

I had a missed call from an unknown number so my husband suggested I call it back. Like he doesn’t know me at all.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) November 25, 2023 ">

Wife: ok here are the 46 things we need done in the kitchen to make Thanksgiving dinner perfect for the entire family.

Me: *already blowing leaves in the backyard no one will go in*

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 23, 2023 ">

husband: when is [5]’s birthday

me: same as your mom’s

husband: *blank stare*

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 27, 2023 ">

I’m in the kitchen baking for Thanksgiving, so naturally my kids have decided to build a fort in here and my husband is helping by standing in front of the stove.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) November 22, 2023 ">

A Christmas miracle but it’s my husband finally getting an iPhone after a decade of ruining group texts

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) November 25, 2023 ">

My husband is about to head out the door to go to something and I'm too scared to ask him what it is because he keeps talking like it's a big deal and like I should very obviously know so I keep just saying stuff like "I cannot WAIT to hear every detail when you get home."

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 21, 2023 ">

Nothing tests a marriage quite like going back and refluffing the branches on the Christmas tree.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 25, 2023 ">

I thought I was going to freeze my ass off tonight, but my husband assured me it couldn’t possibly get THAT cold.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) November 25, 2023 ">

WIFE: *on our wedding night* Today was just perfect, wasn't it?

ME: [remembering how I wanted a falcon to burst out of the cake but was told no] Not really Sharon, tbh.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) November 26, 2023 ">