Yahoo Finance The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Nov. 26-Dec. 2)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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We need the inverse of “Emily in Paris.” We need a show about a hot French dude who is relocated to San Francisco, refuses to work more than 35 hours/week, and is disgusted by our lack of social safety nets.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 29, 2022
“can you send us a writing sample?” no but i can send you multiple screenshots of me killing it in the group chat
— lili michelle لیلی (@lilsmichelle) November 28, 2022
i love the very natural character description introductions in hallmark christmas movies pic.twitter.com/GRUDGeyjnB
— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) November 27, 2022
Not me reading “It’s Giving Tuesday,” in an email like “It’s giving…Tuesday.”
— Amy Aniobi (@amyaniobi) November 29, 2022
I think the US should beat the Netherlands and then take their bike first infrastructure and environmentally friendly policies and free healthcare. And the tulips. Let’s really show them.
— Maggie Hendricks (@maggiehendricks) November 29, 2022
that little graphic cannot be what spotify thinks a magazine looks like
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) November 30, 2022
you watch ANY dateline and you learn real quick there's nothing more dangerous than "lighting up a room". it's on every episode. that's why i don't light up anything. i make places worse when i get there
— cait (@punished_cait) November 29, 2022
It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!
— thleen (@SullivanJones) December 1, 2022
i wanna do shrooms with him pic.twitter.com/0wGf1wLV5K
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) November 27, 2022
Not to brag, but I don’t need either kids or an intense job to feel totally overwhelmed by my life
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) November 29, 2022
i’ve been forced to watch some football recently and i really think they should consider editing the matches to have confessionals from the players like in reality tv shows. would be way more interesting
— shar (@sharloola) December 1, 2022
him: “doggy style?”
me: “mm rokay raggy”— babyceli 🍒 (@ytaraceli1) November 27, 2022
“why do you have so many tabs open” how about mind your business. I have tabs so old they’ll make your head fucking spin. I have shopping carts that date back to the Obama administration
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 30, 2022
once i post my spotify wrapped, everyone will finally understand how rich and complex my inner life is. For example: sometimes i listen to bruce springsteen
— leigh (@daughter_ion) November 27, 2022
Dentist: how often do you floss?
Me (gums fully bleeding from flossing this morning for the first time all year): twice a day— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) November 30, 2022
My husband went to a lawyer luncheon thing and the lawyer he sat beside turned out to be my ex boyfriend from college. When they realized the connection he told my husband, “She always had me laughing. Is she still funny?” And my sweet husband said, “Not in the slightest.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 29, 2022
Owning a rug is a great way to convey, “I once had $600-800. I don’t now.”
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) November 26, 2022
When I say “heheheh” this is what I mean pic.twitter.com/xk6p4U1kDo
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) November 30, 2022
jack and rose make a really good action couple in the second half of titanic bc he is observant + resourceful and she has the total fearlessness of the recently suicidal
— sara "murder house flip on quibi" hinkley (@boneysoups) November 27, 2022
don't worry the clock keeps going because in the soccer they don't stop clocks they just add magical time at the end so there's a fun surprise
— Glennon Doyle (@GlennonDoyle) November 29, 2022
When a waiter sees my wheelchair and asks the person I'm with what I want to eat, I say "Our telepathy is a bit off. You should ask me."
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) November 30, 2022
Listening to a dad in this coffee shop explain to a ~4yo that Darth Vader was “a man with a lot of big feelings who didn’t have anyone to help him express them the right way.”
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) November 29, 2022
office jobs are so funny because you’ll be 24 and your greatest enemy in the world is a 55 year old woman named betty from finance
— lesbian mothman (@verysmallriver) November 29, 2022
Send me to The White Lotus. I need a vacation and I’m ready to die.
— Nicole Paulhus (@nlpaulhus) November 30, 2022
ah I’d love to but i’m pretty booked up this winter pic.twitter.com/adjEQPSIlc
— trash jones (@jzux) November 30, 2022
how do y’all have so many people in your life who told you you’d “never amount to anything”? i had haters i guess but they had some decorum
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) November 27, 2022
I once thought I was in a relationship with this girl so I asked her if she’d mind bringing guacamole to a party I was throwing, and she was like “oh, I think you’re confused….we’re not at please bring guacamole level.”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 29, 2022
I don’t want kids but I’d love an epidural
— whatthefelk (@whattheFELK) November 27, 2022
Guy at a party told me he got divorced during the pandemic and tried to organize his building, only to realize everyone living there was also a recently divorced guy. Thought he was exaggerating until I saw the building. pic.twitter.com/xzX5M1iand
— Rebecca McCarthy (@reemccarthy) November 29, 2022
And there I was, at 21, broken that I'd never hear my sister laugh again. I held her limp hand, my eyes playing cruel tricks as I swore I saw her breathe. In that moment, all I could think about was the lava cake we'd bake together. For this recipe, you'll need a double boiler.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) November 30, 2022
something about LA is that you can be at a party and the hottest people you’ve ever seen will start talking about the times they’ve encountered ghosts and you’re just supposed to be like woah yeah i’ve heard that happens
— girlpilled (@upstreamculotte) November 28, 2022
babe what’s wrong you’ve barely touched your sunday afternoon creeping sense of dread for the week ahead
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 27, 2022
