Nick Cannon Says He Will 'Never Get Over' Losing Son Zen on 'Painful' Anniversary of His Death
Bruce Glikas/WireImage; Nick Cannon
Nick Cannon is going through "one of the most challenging seasons" of his life.
On Monday, the Masked Singer star penned a heartfelt tribute to his son Zen — whom he shares with Alyssa Scott, who is currently pregnant with their second baby together — on the first anniversary of his death. The infant died from brain cancer at 5 months old last December.
Sharing photos with Zen in an Instagram post, Cannon commented on his recent hospitalization, writing, "Physically I'm definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I'm broken."
"Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn't sleep at all. I can't believe it's been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred," he wrote. "Such a painful anniversary."
Cannon continued, "Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily."
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Acknowledging he is "far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question," Cannon said that when it comes to love, "I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could've felt more of that love while he was here on Earth."
The Wild N' Out host went on to explain, "One of my Spiritual Leaders recently told me that I am in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but encouraged me to be steadfast and know that all of this will only make me stronger, and to not lean on my own understanding but to rely on the peace that surpasses all."
"But let me tell you, it's tough… I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don't waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now 💔," he concluded. "Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally ❤️🩹🙏🏾."
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Last month, Scott revealed that she will welcome her and Cannon's second baby this month.
"Earthbound DECEMBER 2022 ✨," she wrote, to which the Masked Singer host replied, "❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾."
In addition to Zen and his baby on the way with Scott, Cannon also shares sons Rise Messiah, 10 weeks, and Golden Sagon, 5, as well as daughter Powerful Queen, 23 months, with model Brittany Bell.
He is also dad to daughter Beautiful Zeppelin, 3 weeks, and twins Zion and Zillion, 17 months, with Abby De La Rosa, as well as 11-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan with ex-wife Mariah Carey. He also shares son Legendary Love, 5 months, with model Bre Tiesi and welcomed daughter Onyx Ice Cole with former Price Is Right model LaNisha Cole in September.