Noah Cyrus is opening up about her addiction to Xanax and subsequent recovery, which began in 2020 and has since taken root in her music.
The "Ready To Go" singer, 22, told Rolling Stone that she's been in recovery for nearly two years after first trying downers at age 18.
"My boyfriend at the time, when I was 18, was the first person that gave me a Xanax, and it became a way for us to bond," she revealed. "I think I wanted to fit in with him. I wanted to be what he wanted and what he thought was cool and what I thought everybody was doing. Once I felt that it was possible to silence things out for a second and numb your pain, it was over."
Cyrus explained that she was "surrounded by people" with easy access to Xanax, as well as a circle of friends who did not discourage her heavy drug use.
The star (and younger sister to Miley Cyrus) recalled days when she'd sleep for hours and wake up at 8 p.m., and said she hit rock bottom after falling asleep mid-conversation while doing press.
Walker Bunting Noah Cyrus
"I was completely nodding off and falling asleep, and unable to keep my head up or keep my eyes open, because I was so far gone," she said. "It just kind of becomes this dark pit, bottomless pit."
Cyrus told RS that another "eye-opener" was the August 2020 death of her grandmother Loretta and the accompanying guilt she felt over "not being there" emotionally for family members including her mother, Tish.
"I was sitting alone, and I was scared, and I realized that all the people that I love and all the people that I need, I was the one pushing them away," she said.
Though the Grammy Award nominee said that it "took some time to get on my own two feet" once she began her recovery process, music was helpful, and she began channeling her feelings into lyrics.
Walker Bunting Noah Cyrus
"I'm not trying to be, like, any spokesperson for recovery or anything like that. I, myself, am just going through it and figuring it out," she said. "I wake up in the mornings, and I'm able to look in a mirror and go on about my day without hating myself. "I'm able to comfort myself and nurture myself."
While Cyrus did not name the boyfriend who first introduced her to Xanax, she dated the rapper Lil Xan at age 18, and in 2018, referred to their relationship as a "mistake."
The star was nominated for best new artist at the 2021 Grammy Awards, and is set to tour starting in August.
She announced The Hardest Part in April along with the single "I Burned LA Down," which was inspired by the end of a relationship as well as the looming threat of climate change.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.