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Get Schooled: 5 Money Lessons to Learn Before Marriage

Arielle Proctor says doesn't think she and her husband of two years have ever fought over money. It's something the 26-year-old Lowell, Michigan, resident chalks up to an engagement gift.

"One of the gifts my parents gave us when we were engaged was [Dave Ramsey's] Financial Peace University," Proctor says. Over a nine-week period, Proctor and her fiancé attended weekly classes that helped them evaluate their finances, set goals for the future and plan a course of action to meet those goals.

Married couples like Proctor find it's easier to maintain wedded bliss if they have sorted out sticky topics like money while engaged. Before you say "I do," take the time to learn these five essential money lessons.

Communications 101: Learn how to talk about money matters.

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Both finance experts and happily married couples agree talking about money is important, not only before the wedding but also long after the flowers have wilted and the dress is tucked in the closet.

Proctor says she and her husband have a weekly meeting when they turn off distractions like cellphones and give each other their full attention as they go over their budget. She notes the Financial Peace University program gave them a solid framework for these conversations, but that's not the only way a couple can learn how to discuss money effectively.

Nick Hughes, a wealth advisor at Franklin Wealth Management in Hixson, Tennessee, recommends working with a financial advisor. "They can walk you through [money] issues," he says. The goal is for couples to get on the same page about major money issues such as houses, kids and career paths before getting married.

Psychology 101: Understand your future spouse's spending and saving habits.

Part of learning how to talk about money with your future spouse is understanding what makes him or her tick. Larry Rosenthal, a certified financial planner and president of Rosenthal Wealth Management Group in Manassas, Virginia, points out that one spouse's approach to money could impact other aspects of the marriage.

"A spendthrift person can really drive a thrifty, conservative person crazy," he says.

Before walking down the aisle, take time to explore your future spouse's attitudes toward money and spending and decide whether you can live with that. While a middle ground may be found, don't expect your fiancé to change completely, or quickly.

Finance 101: Create a budget together.

You can gain insight into your future spouse's money attitudes by creating a budget together. This can be a hypothetical budget based on expected expenses and income, or couples can take it one step further and combine money in advance of the wedding.

"I would suggest they open a joint account and see how it goes for six to eight months before getting married," Rosenthal says. For couples who don't want to open an account, Rosenthal recommends sitting down and reviewing the last six bank statements for each partner to better understand each other's spending patterns and priorities.

You should be wary if your partner balks at sharing bank records, Hughes says. "If someone's not going to be open with you about finances, they're probably going to hide other things as well," he says.

To accommodate different spending and saving styles, couples should include a certain amount of "fun money" in their budget for each person. Spouses can then do what they like with this money without having to justify purchases to their partner. Proctor and her husband have separate accounts specifically for this purpose. While their paychecks get deposited into a joint account, their budget includes fun money that is transferred to the separate accounts and can then be spent or saved as each person likes.

Philosophy 101: Embrace your future spouse's debt as your own.

Many people enter marriage carrying debt. While it may be tempting to assume your husband's debt is his problem, expecting him to pay off the balance himself could backfire. For instance, it could build resentment within the marriage if he has to spend all his fun money on his debt. His debt could also affect his credit score and limit your ability to finance major purchases together.

Both Proctor and her husband brought some debt into their marriage, and they pay those bills jointly. "How quickly you pay [debt] off affects how quickly you can buy a house and meet other goals," she says.

Even couples who don't want to jointly pay down debt need to have an open discussion about numbers, so there are no surprises. "They need to know what the other person is bringing, in terms of debt, to the marriage," Rosenthal says.

Field Experience: Know the family financial background and attitudes.

The final money lesson involves stepping away from your betrothed and looking at his or her family background.

"You have to understand other people's values and how they relate to money," Hughes says. And there is no better way to do that than to look at the environment in which they were raised.

Rosenthal says people should ask their partner, "Who's been the greatest influence in their life about money?" By looking at those influences, you'll likely gain insight into how your future spouse will relate to money. The point isn't to call off a wedding based on their parent's money habits but to understand and relate to their money decisions and attitudes.

While all these money lessons are useful, you may want to pick communications for your major. Proctor says the secret to financial bliss in marriage is to be talking regularly -- at least once a month -- about the household cash flow. "It's important to sit down and talk about what's important, your short-term and long-term goals" she says. "Make sure you're on the same page."

Master the fine art of communicating with your spouse and you, too, may be able to say you've been married two years and never had a money fight.



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