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Mom of three reveals the one question she needed her husband to ask everyday after work

mom and dad with three kids
Erin Brant/Stocksy

Being a stay at home mom is hard work (so hard, in fact, that a 2023 survey concluded that if SAHMs earned an income it would be $184,000). If you’re with the kid(s) all day and your partner works outside of the house, what’s the one thing you want them to do as soon as they come home? That’s kind of a trick question, because as any SAHM can tell you, the answer changes on a daily basis.

Beth Ann Tieche (@lowliftfun on Instagram) recently went viral for sharing the one question she needed her husband to ask everyday after work when she was a SAHM, and seriously, it’s a game changer!

“When I was a stay at home mom of 3 under 3 a few years ago, I discovered ONE question that I needed my husband to ask me every day when he got home from work,” she wrote in the reel. “I asked him to check in by asking me, ‘What would be most helpful right now?’ What I needed most totally depended on the day. We still do this years later, because it helps SO MUCH.”

This is so smart because our needs change depending on our daily activity schedule, chore or errand schedule, and anything that can come up in a day (which can be a lot). As Tieche wrote in her caption, “Mowing the lawn ain’t it, honey!”

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“My husband was trying to be helpful – but oftentimes what he would jump into action doing wasn’t what I needed,” the mom of three explained in the caption.”It may sound simple, but him asking me ‘what would be most helpful for me to do right now?’ helped me to not feel like I was burdening him with the request, and it allowed him to KNOW what would actually be most helpful in the moment.”

“Sometimes it was most helpful for him to take my oldest to the park, so I could breastfeed the twins in quiet. Sometimes it was most helpful if he covered all the kids, so I could go for a walk or make dinner alone,” she continued. “There are so many moving pieces with parenting young kids – over communicating around what’s happening and who’s doing what is a cornerstone of our happiness as a couple and family.”

Tieche may no longer be a SAHM, but that doesn’t make this tool any less effective. “Today we STILL ask each other this question whenever one parent is re-entering after having been away, because the caregiver who has been on duty knows what’s happening and can share what would be most helpful for them,” she pointed out.

Communication is crucial for a successful partnership, parenting or otherwise, and it’s good to be on the same page. For modern parents, that often includes divvying up tasks and the mental load.