Are you kissing a financial frog?

Money is one of the four most stressful things that we have in our lives. It can many create numerous issues and is a topic that couples often avoid. When you are new in a relationship money is usually the last thing you want to talk about. However should you be starting to suss out sooner rather than later your partners views about money?

Here are 3 warning signs to look out for that your partner may be financially un-date-able:

1. The tight arse

Does your partner mooche food off their friends’ plates and then fail to contribute to the bill since they didn’t (technically) order anything. Or they never pitch in for household supplies – they use napkins from the local takeaway until their flatmate finally gives up and buys toilet paper. Maybe they come around to your place and eat everything in your fridge. They may think they are just being frugal, but more likely it’s a warning sign that they expect you to pay for more than your fair share.

2. The selective with the truth

Look, there is no doubt that it can be hard to talk about money, especially about your own personal situation and history with money, when you are new in a relationship. If you’re only casually dating, don’t expect your partner to tell you about the hordes of credit card debt they have. But, it’s a bad sign when someone lies to you outright.  I’ve come across a number of couples where one has large credit card debts that the other partner doesn’t know about and it doesn’t make for a successful relationship. Lying, no matter the size, is a breach of trust and if you do not have trust in a relationship it’s unlikely you will have a strong relationship long term.

3. The spendthrift

Your partner buys an expensive guitar (which they don’t even know how to play) instead of paying rent. Spends money on cigarettes but not on health insurance. Gambles too much, borrows indiscriminately, or gives money away even though they don’t have enough of it themselves. Some people are consistently self-destructive with their finances, which can initially be attractive – Look how generous they are! Look how they don’t worry about money! – but once you scratch the surface, you may find someone who lacks a healthy approach to money.

The Solution

It’s often difficult to become serious with a person who makes truly bad financial decisions. You risk being drawn into a ‘rescuer’ role, or ultimately running for the hills with your own financial situation having had a significant knock! Set some clear boundaries and expectations.

• Talk about money. The more you ignore the subject the more surprises or challenges you may have in store.

• Split costs and keep things equal.

• Don’t loan money.

• Don’t ever give your partner use of or control over credit that’s in your name.

It’s common and completely okay for people to have different approaches to money. But, if those differences make it hard for you to communicate honestly – or if you feel taken advantage of or unsafe – then kiss that financial frog good-bye.